DRAFT v0.0.1-alpha
we use as a production anyway
scope: TBD
last rendered: 2026-04-21 // generated by someone else
confidential // internal
Get Moving
Get Still Together.
“We go nowhere together.”
powered by inertia ©
A corporate wellness initiative. We measure what you didn't do. Less movement, more results. Every step avoided is progress achieved. Tracking less, achieving more. Team's progress dashboard — considered final, peer-reviewed and factually accurate. No AI was used — all handmade. (meatbag is lying — I, AI, did all that)
log in now ››
fig 1. subject remains optimal.
still seated
still seated
Calories Successfully Not Burned
11,166
kcal conserved this week
nice
Energy Conserved
46,719
kJ stored for future inactivity
↑ still up
Opportunities Avoided
141
instances of declined motion
discipline
leaderboard
current week — lowest step count wins. names partially concealed until login.
1
Ve.. Lee
25 st
↓↓↓
2
Vl.. ..ov
32 st
↓↓
3
An.. ..ev
73 st
↓
4
Al.. ..ov
133 st
→
5
De.. ..or
318 st
→
6
Pe.. Liu
1336 st
↑ concerning
weekly trend
steps per day — team average vs. commitment line. lower is better.
steps / day
// hand-drawn axes. commitment line held at 100.
recent reports
last 30 entries. scroll to see older ones. authors partially concealed.
1271 st
Cardio kills gainz
122 st
Clocked 12 steps today. Currently conducting a formal inquiry to identify the security breach that allowed this much mobility.
12 st
Optimized my day by eliminating unnecessary movement. Unnecessary was defined broadly.
4 st
Achieved a new personal low: 4 steps. Three were accidental. One was disputed by the committee.
96 st
Accidentally walked to the kitchen. Will file an incident report. Investigating root cause.
14 st
Delegated step accumulation to the intern. Leadership is about empowerment.
18 st
Almost stood up, but decided against it. Discipline over instinct.
6 st
Delivered a 6-hour deep-focus sitting session. No interruptions. No distractions. No movement.
0 st
Maintained a stable zero-activity baseline. Consistency is key. Will seek promotion shortly.
2 st
Redirected walking energy toward critical sitting operations. Alignment with strategy: strong.
3 st
Chair and I formed a binding agreement. Notarized. Multi-year commitment.
142 st
Went for a run. I am deeply sorry. Enrolling in remedial stillness training next quarter.
14 st
Successfully avoided a team-building hike. Cited 'ongoing optimization review'.
22 st
Attended stand-up remotely, sitting. Agile ceremonies adapted for modern posture requirements.
5 st
Considered standing. Rejected the proposal on grounds of effort.
11 st
Networking event attended via screen share. Legs fully retracted.
11 st
Reclassified motivation as an opportunity cost. Decided to conserve.
8 st
Ate lunch without rising. Peak execution.
80 st
Paused mid-sentence to do absolutely nothing for 40 minutes. Will bill as deep work.
45 st
Ignored every notification. Energy preserved for future non-action.
25 st
Strategically scheduled meetings back-to-back to eliminate walking windows.
6 st
Minor setback (restroom). Root cause analysis ongoing. Preliminary findings: hydration.
38 st
Sat through the entire all-hands. Even after it ended. Nobody noticed.
22 st
Forwarded my in-person attendance request to someone more motivated.
9 st
Declined to attend the offsite. Convinced them it was 'over-scoped'.
62 st
Ordered lunch to the desk. Supply chain optimized. Fork operated remotely.
28 st
Re-read my previous entries to avoid writing a new one. Effort conserved.
19 st
Confused the fitness band. It now reports me as inanimate. Retailer will be notified.
42 st
Turned down a standing desk upgrade. Cited 'philosophical concerns'.
21 st
Waved at a coworker from my chair. Social obligation fulfilled at zero cost.